Several years ago, I was driving to the store as my curious toddler sat in the back seat. She was playing 10,000 questions:
“Why is that car going slow?”
“Why is this seat belt on?”
“Why do I have to eat broccoli?”
etc.
etc.
It didn’t take long for me to be exhausted by all of her “why” questions, so I interjected and asked her, “What do you think?” This caused the energy in the car to completely shift into thoughtfulness.
One of my clients was struggling with a direct report, who we will call Joe. One day Joe came to my client’s office with a major problem stemming from a decision he made. My client asked, “Joe! Why did you do that? Why didn’t you handle it this way?” Without a solid answer, Joe responded defensively, dropping into victim behavior and blaming others. My client couldn’t get to resolution with Joe. This is where the power of “What” could change everything.
After the toddler years, “why” takes on a new tone, limiting the growth or forward progression of dialogue and self-discovery. If we listen to the word “Why” and the context in which it’s often used, we might notice the tone that “Why” can carry. In my mind, it sometimes sounds like “You idiot, why did you do it that way?” followed in my brain with “I know better” just to add a good dose of shame.
The shift from “why” to “what” is significant and has the potential of moving stagnant energy and thinking into a realm of curiosity and forward movement.
Let’s go back to my client. The next time Joe came into my client’s office with a problem, instead of saying, “Why haven’t you handled this issue?” my client was prepared to deploy the mighty “What” and asked, “What’s your challenge here? What are you struggling with? What have you tried? What’s the next step?” WOW! Think about it. My client didn’t have to take on the problem or solve the issue for Joe. Joe did all the work himself. The result? Joe came back a few days later thanking my client for the support. He felt empowered and was clear on how to move forward. And my client found freedom and confidence to delegate to Joe more frequently.
Asking powerful questions is the key to freeing your time and empowering your team.
The more “What” questions you ask, the less advice you give, the more your employees learn and develop. Isn’t that what we want – our freedom and our employee’s growth and empowerment?
The next time you’re getting ready to ask a “why” question, think again and shift to “what.” It might just change everything.
Want more of the “What?” Check out Michael Bungay Stanier’s book, The Coaching Habit, or schedule an appointment with me and let’s talk.
I like that suggestion a lot, Linley!!